His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
