we have officially lost it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
