I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
