I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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