By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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