i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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