I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
