i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
