I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
