i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
