Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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