were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
