C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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