So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
