my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
