i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
