alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
