I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
