I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
