I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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