"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
