god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
