Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
