He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I intend to get homeless drunk
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
