i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
