if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
