I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
