i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
