She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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