I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
