I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
