she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
