I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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