I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
