She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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