If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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