I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
