he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
