There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
