and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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