Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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