she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
