we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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