dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I know her cup size but not her name....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
