they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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