I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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