Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
