I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
