Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
