I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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